


Make It Right

by BethKerring



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Amethyst is a good friend, Angst, Canon Compliant, Families of Choice, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Post-Steven Universe Future, Psychological Trauma, Spinel is doing better, and Greg is a great dad figure, and Spinel and Bismuth, and Spinel and Lapis, but 6000 years of trauma takes time to heal from, but they've got some work to do, lots of great friends here, plenty of Spinel and Pearl bonding too, the Diamonds are really trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26036704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethKerring/pseuds/BethKerring
Summary: Spinel loves the Diamonds more than anything, but even she has to admit that they’ve got a long way to go. And that she needs more than just their love and adoration to move past the old issues that haven't quite gone away.Steven left home so he could grow and get better. Maybe she can, too.(Or, Spinel takes a vacation to Earth, deals with some unresolved problems, and makes other friends.)
Relationships: Amethyst & Spinel (Steven Universe), Blue Diamond & Spinel & White Diamond & Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli & Spinel (Steven Universe), Pearl & Spinel (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond's Pearl & Spinel (Steven Universe), Spinel & Greg Universe
Comments: 40
Kudos: 63





	1. Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a “the Diamonds are abusive and Spinel runs away” fic, but it’s also not a “Spinel and the Diamonds are perfectly happy and have no problems at all” fic. It’s a “the Diamonds love Spinel and are trying to change but still have a ways to go and Spinel needs other people in her life” fic, as well as a “Spinel is generally happy but has a lot of trauma and needs more time to work through it” fic … if that makes sense. XD Basically, the Diamonds give Spinel lots of love and affection, which she needs, but she also needs other people who can help her work through issues the Diamonds still aren’t great at. Also, I wanted to write her establishing healthy relationships with the main cast, widening her social circle, and dealing with _all_ her issues, not just lack of affection. Because her unhealthy relationship with Pink, followed by six thousand years of isolation, isn’t going to go away that quickly.
> 
> All of Spinel’s relationships are intended as platonic, but you can read it as you like—but there is _definitely_ no shipping between her and human minors. 
> 
> This is sort of slice-of-life style, each chapter focusing on a different moment/aspect in Spinel's Earth vacation, but with an overarching plot. And just to be clear, Steven will be in this fic, but not for a while. Spinel needs help healing, but Steven has his own healing to do and is not in a place to be a caretaker here. Spinel will have everyone else in the meantime!
> 
> Warnings for past violence, past abuse (emotional and physical), brief moments of self-harm (on the level of the movie), and one panic attack (which I’ll warn for specifically). Chapter titles are based on a prompt table and may or may not be accurate descriptions ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel tells the Diamonds she's decided to go to Earth for a while. It's about as easy as she expects.

“You’re _leaving?!”_

Spinel has imagined at least twenty possible reactions to her announcement, and this is one of the better ones.

But that doesn’t stop her chest from twisting as three giant heads shove themselves as close to her as they can, eyes wide, expressions ranging from confused to devastated. Spinel’s hands fly up in a sad attempt at reassurance.

“Not for good!” she blurts. “Not even for that long! I just … I just realized I never got to really _see_ Earth the times I’ve been there and … I wanted to take the tour, y’know?”

It’s not exactly what she means to say, but it’s close enough. She ran through a good ten reasons earlier, and this seemed like the one they’d most likely accept.

Not that it’s a lie. It’s not, really! It’s just … not absolutely one hundred percent of the truth.

“We can take you!” White says, smiling like she always does when she thinks she’s come up with the perfect solution. “It’s been a while since we visited Steven anyway.”

Spinel gives her a half-smile. “Steven’s not there anymore, remember? He’s on that road trip thing.”

White’s face falls so fast it’s almost funny.

“Oh, yes … what a shame.” Then she waves her hand, brushing off her own idea like dust on her shoulder. “Well, never mind! We can still take you. I’m sure we can find _someone_ to give us a proper tour.”

She’s smiling again, hopeful, and it takes all of Spinel’s willpower not to give in. White won’t force her, but it’s still not easy to say no to that face. She might not be as close with White as she is with Blue, or even Yellow, but they still get along, and Spinel will never forget that it was White who first invited her to stay with them.

She takes in a deep breath. Runs through all the reasons she isn’t going to say out loud. Reminds herself why she’s going through with this even when she knew it would be hard.

“I … don’t just wanna take the tour, actually.” Her voice gets quieter all on its own. “I thought I might stay in that settlement the Gems have there. Little Homeworld. And I don’t think you’d fit.”

Her smile feels desperate and forced. White and Yellow furrow their eyebrows, but Blue’s tilt up in concern.

“Do you … not want us to come with you?”

Spinel swears her chest is going to twist hard enough to poof her.

“It’s … it’s not that!” she stammers out, and yeah, Blue _definitely_ notices. “I … I just …” 

Three sets of eyes are on her, and she can tell they want to say something, but don’t. They crouch on the floor, three giant Diamonds watching her like she’s the most important thing in the universe.

They’re listening. Now she just has to talk.

She swallows and lets her smile fade.

“I love living here with you guys. _Really._ It’s the best deal I’ve ever had, and I don’t wanna leave for good or nothing like that.” She wants to look away, but forces herself to meet their eyes. “I … just never got to know any Gems other than you guys and … and Pink. So … I guess I wanna see what that’s like.”

One by one, those three faces shift into something closer to understanding, and Spinel’s relief is tinged with guilt.

All these not-all-of-the-truths are starting to feel really close to lying.

Finally, Yellow sighs.

“Well. I suppose there isn’t a lot going on here at the moment, so it’s understandable that you’d want to do something new for a while.” She tilts her head. “How long were you thinking of staying?”

Spinel clasps her hands behind her back.

“Maybe a few months.”

“A few _months?”_ White bursts out, a hand to her chest. “But what will we do without you for that long?”

Spinel puts up her hands again. “I’ll call, I promise! And I can always warp back if you really wanna see me.”

She’s already lining up more promises when Blue smiles. It’s a sad smile, but it’s gentle and warm and makes Spinel just a little calmer.

“Don’t worry, dear. We’ll be alright.”

White pouts. “But Blue—”

“If Spinel needs some time away from Homeworld, we can manage,” Blue cuts in.

There’s something heavy in Blue’s voice, and something changes in White’s expression, like Blue reminded her of something. She sighs, as heavy and dramatic as always.

“Very well.” She manages a half-smile. “Just … promise to call and check in.”

Spinel smiles back. “I will.”

“Were you planning to leave today?” Yellow asks. Straight to the point, as always.

Spinel doesn’t like the word “leave.” She’s not  _ leaving.  _ Well, she is, but the word sounds more permanent. Like she’s abandoning them.

But she’s  _ not _ abandoning them. She’s not. Steven wasn’t abandoning his friends when he went off on that “road trip” thing. He was just … going away to find himself.

That’s what she’s doing. Going to find herself.

Maybe. Hopefully.

It’s not abandonment. It’s just … a break.

No, no, not a break. A break makes it sound like she doesn’t like it here. And she does! She really does, she just … she just …

The Diamonds are still waiting, so she shoves those thoughts to the back of her head.

“I … called ahead to Earth and they said today works for them. That okay with you guys?”

“Of course,” Blue says.

White sighs again. “If you really  _ must _ go …”

“White.”

“Yes, yes, of course.” White tries to smile again, and there’s warmth behind it, even though it looks forced. “It’s … fine with us.”

“You’ll call once you’ve gotten settled?” Yellow asks. “And let us know if their accommodations are lacking? Earth has always been such a mess when we visit. And the _smell._ ”

Spinel nods and decides not to remind Yellow that the smell was because of the injector. Though, knowing Yellow, she probably thought Earth smelled already.

None of them say anything else, but it takes them almost a minute to move. The Diamonds could easily carry her there in less than a minute—and Spinel could probably bounce herself even faster—but she walks as slowly as she can, and they match her pace. Every step feels like lifting a boulder. Once they’re outside, the boulder turns into a planet.

When she spots the warp pad, she almost stops and turns around and says she changed her mind, she’s not going anywhere, she’s staying with them and they’ll be happy, just like they’ve been happy this whole time. Everything’s fine. She loves them and they love her and that’s all she needs.

But she doesn’t stop. She doesn’t turn around. It takes all the willpower she can muster, but she keeps walking and doesn’t say a word.

Because everything’s not fine.

It’s wonderful. It’s amazing. It’s better than she ever thought she  _ could  _ have a year ago when they carried her away in their ship. It’s everything she ever dreamed of in all the ways she could have fathomed.

But she can fathom a lot more now than she could then.

And everything’s not fine.

Not the things she stuffed deep down without even realizing it. Not the feelings hiding under the violent anger that once consumed her, feelings she doesn’t even have names for. Not the thoughts that pop up in the silence, when she’s alone and there’s nothing to distract her.

Not the things she’s never told the Diamonds.

The things she doesn’t even know if she  _ can  _ tell the Diamonds, because … they wouldn’t understand.

Those things aren’t fine, and they aren’t getting better. She can ignore them, sure, that’s easy, it  _ was  _ easy, that’s what she did for months, because why should she worry about things like that when someone’s there to love her? Why should she focus on those tiny little bad things when there’s so much good? When it’s so  _ easy  _ to just keep smiling and laughing and bouncing around, because if she keeps moving, the bad things can’t catch her.

They’ll go away on their own.

Except … it’s been a year, and they’re still here. Still hiding under the surface. Easy to ignore, impossible to forget.

They’re still here, and they’re not going anywhere.

Not unless she does something about them.

And if she  _ doesn’t  _ do something … if she doesn’t  _ deal  _ with this while it’s so easy to ignore …

She blinks, and a flash of pink spikes lingers on her eyelids.

She blinks again, and it’s the glow of an injector against a poisoned green sky.

She squeezes her eyes shut, so tight she can’t see a thing, then opens them to look at Homeworld stretched out in front of her, and the warp pad, closer by the second.

She can do this. She  _ has  _ to do this.

For her own sake, and everyone else’s.

She stops just in front of the warp and turns around to find three giant faces staring down at her. They get down on their knees, like they always do when she has something to say, and how crazy is  _ that,  _ that three Diamonds would get on their knees to talk to  _ her _ . 

That they would love her so much, when she thought no one ever would.

“Well,” she starts, managing a wobbly smile. “Guess this is it.”

Blue smiles, but it’s more sad than anything. Yellow looks off to the side, awkward and pained. And White just watches her with pitiful eyes Spinel never could have imagined on the former ruler of an empire.

“It’s not goodbye,” Spinel goes on, for them and for her. “Just … see ya later?”

Blue nods. “You’ll call us if you need anything?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll miss you so much,” White adds.

“Remember to call,” Yellow says, like Spinel might have forgotten.

Spinel swallows against the lump in her throat. “Promise.”

They kneel there, watching her, waiting for her to warp away. She waits for  _ herself  _ to warp away. But she doesn’t. 

She opens her mouth. Closes it. Opens it again.

The Diamonds look at her, silent and longing.

Spinel’s breath hitches.

Then she leaps into the air, stretches out her arms, and wraps all three of them in a hug.

White is in the middle, so most of Spinel’s body rests against her, but Blue and Yellow touch their fingers to her back. It’s a little awkward, but she squeezes them as tight as she can.

Stars, she loves them so much.

She could stay like that for an hour, or ten, but by sheer force of will, she lets go after a minute and drops to the ground. White, Blue and Yellow stare down at her, all of them smiling and sad.

If she doesn’t leave now, she never will.

She steps onto the warp pad and looks up at the smiles of the Diamonds who have cared for her,  _ loved  _ her, for the past year. The Diamonds who gave her everything she thought she’d lost for good. 

The Diamonds who love her enough to wish her well as she leaves them behind.

“I’ll be back,” she says.

Then she sucks in a deep breath and warps away.


	2. Discover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel gets a re-introduction to Little Homeworld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read, left kudos, bookmarked, and/or commented!

“So, uh … this is it, I guess. Welcome to Little Homeworld!”

Amethyst stands in front of her, holding out her arms with the familiar ease of someone who’s probably welcomed hundreds of Gems already. And all Spinel can do is fidget and try not to think about the last time she stood on this warp pad, looking out at this little town.

It hasn’t changed much, from what she can see—though her memories from that time are fuzzy. There are more Gems, and not as much active construction. Considering that she was rejuvenated at the time, she’s probably changed a lot more.

Amethyst gives her a concerned look, and Spinel steps off the warp pad before it can get too awkward. She tries her best to keep smiling, but it’s … tough, being here among all these memories, some of which she’s barely thought of all year.

Tough when she’s here with a bunch of strangers, being led around by a Gem she tried to kill.

“Okay, so,” Amethyst says as she starts walking. “There’s _way_ too much to give you the full tour now, but I’ll show you the basics. S’not that hard to figure out, and there’s always someone around to ask for directions. Anyway, right over there is where Garnet usually does meditation classes, and Pearl’s got a class that way, and oh, yeah, this place up ahead makes the second-best desserts I’ve ever had, and that’s only because _nothing_ beats Lars’s pastry shop. Did you eat when you were here? We gotta introduce you to food. Oh! And Vidalia has her art class there, and that’s one of the apartment buildings, and that’s …”

Spinel jerks her head from side to side as Amethyst points, barely able to process half of what she’s saying. And as hard as she tries to focus, her mind keeps drifting, yanking her back into her increasingly messy thoughts.

She really,  _ really  _ hopes this was the right decision.

It took her a solid week to work up the courage to call Earth and ask whether she could stay here for a while, and still, part of her isn’t sure she’s welcome. But Amethyst seemed fine with the idea when she first contacted her, almost two weeks ago now. Spinel was expecting resistance, but apparently Gems getting a “second chance” on Earth is kind of a thing. And even though they must have passed fifty other Gems so far, not one has given her a dirty look.

Still, it feels weird to be here without the Diamonds, and she glances over her shoulder at least once a minute, like one of them will be walking behind her.

She knew she would miss them, but she didn’t think being away from them would already feel so … lonely.

She shakes her head and focuses on her surroundings. Amethyst is saying something about a building they’re passing, and Spinel looks over it a little closer than she needs to.

She doesn’t  _ see  _ any damage left over from her injector exploding, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t any. It’s not like she spent a lot of time in Little Homeworld, and she barely got a glimpse of Steven’s house last time she was here. Amethyst hasn’t mentioned anything, but maybe she’s just trying to be nice. Maybe Spinel can ask her later. Maybe she can find a way to help fix some of it.

And yeah, that’s not the  _ whole  _ reason she’s here, but … she doesn’t want to leave without doing  _ something  _ to make up for all the damage she did.

And for everything else …

She looks around again, to the buildings Amethyst is pointing out, and all the other ones they pass.

Apparently Steven did a lot of damage here when he was a monster. Or was it right before? Around that time, anyway. She doesn’t see any evidence of that either. It’s been months, of course, and if they can fix things up after her injector … well, she doubts Steven could have broken too much. He wasn’t a monster for a long.

It’s still hard to imagine Steven breaking anything, monster or not.

But he did. She saw him. Big, pink, spiky, and completely out of control. The nicest person she’s ever met in her entire life, turned into a giant monster, so different that White didn’t recognize him even when she got in his head.

All because he was hurting.

All because he stuffed his problems away instead of dealing with them.

The ride back to Homeworld after that was … probably the quietest ride ever. Yeah, Steven wasn’t a monster anymore, he was okay—or at least he would be—but … none of them really knew how to talk about what happened. When they got to the palace, the Diamonds went off to their rooms, and for once, Spinel didn’t follow any of them.

She bounced up to White’s throne, right on the top, and thought.

She thought a lot.

Blue found her maybe an hour later and invited her to soak in her pool. They chatted and lazed about and splashed each other and sang a few songs. But they didn’t talk about what happened.

Later, Yellow asked her for help sorting through some Gem shards to correct another old experiment. They worked for hours, talking the whole time, but never said a word about Earth.

Spinel didn’t see White until the next day, but even their meeting was normal. White invited her to take control for a bit, do something fun, and it sounded less like an offer and more like a request. But Spinel still accepted, and did her silliest dances all around the palace, until she let White go and they both laughed so hard they fell over. Spinel couldn’t even think of dampening the mood.

They brought up Steven later, of course. Wondering how he was doing. Sharing the updates they got from Earth. Once, White started crying out of nowhere, blubbering about how much she hurt Steven, and Blue joined in, and even Yellow teared up. Spinel cried with them, partly out of her own guilt and partly because it’s really hard not to cry when they’re all crying, but her thoughts drifted so far away that it felt like someone else was crying for her.

She thought a lot, but it wasn’t until they got the news that Steven was leaving his town that those thoughts settled into something she could understand.

It took another month for her to really consider going through with them.

And two more for her to work up the courage to do it.

And now … here she is. Back on Earth.

Without the Diamonds.

She … really, really misses them.

But that determination still carries her forward, making her follow Amethyst into unfamiliar territory. She wants to do this. She  _ needs  _ to do this. If she doesn’t … the problems that have been sitting in the back of her head won’t go away. They’ll just get worse. Until she can’t ignore them, no matter how much she wants to.

Steven seemed okay, but he wasn’t. Even when he  _ thought  _ he was okay, thought he was living happily ever after … that bad stuff was already inside him, waiting for a chance to come out.

And then it did.

Steven is, by far, the kindest person she’s met in her entire existence. And he turned into a monster because of his feelings.

If  _ he  _ can turn into a monster … if someone like  _ him  _ can hurt people because he didn’t deal with his problems, or didn’t know how to … what if she—

“And here we are!”

Spinel jolts out of her thoughts to see Amethyst turning a key in a door just in front of them. She pushes it open and walks into what looks like a small sized room, her arms spread out to her sides.

“Welcome to your apartment!”

Spinel raises an eyebrow. “Apart-what now?”

Amethyst hums.

“Yeah, it’s like … a room you stay in. Living quarters, home base, whatever you wanna call it, I guess. Doesn’t have much in it, but I can help you decorate later if you want. I got _loads_ of junk we can use to make it look cooler.”

Spinel follows her inside and looks around the “apartment.” There isn’t much to see, just one big piece of furniture and a window. It looks … dull, and barren, and part of Spinel wants to ask Amethyst if they can decorate it right now, but she holds herself back. She doesn’t want to sound ungrateful, and besides, she’s not staying here for that long. And it’s not like she spends much time in her room in the palace anyway.

Though that’s … partly because it used to be Pink’s.

“I think there’s, like, thirty-five other Gems in this building?” Amethyst goes on. “Been a while since I checked, and we’ve got some that double up. Not the fanciest places, but they’re supposed to be temporary, until you figure out if you wanna stay long term.”

Spinel starts to say that she’s not staying “long term,” it’s just a few months, she lives with the Diamonds and this is just a little trip. But her voice dies before she can get out the words.

Instead, she looks at the big piece of furniture sitting against the wall.

“What’s that?”

“Huh?” Amethyst follows her gaze. “Oh, that’s a couch. You sit on it. Or lay on it. Or bounce on it. Y’know, whatever you want, just try not to break it. I mean, we can make more, but the materials get kinda expensive.”

She shrugs, and Spinel wonders if she’s broken a lot of “couches” herself.

Part of her worries that couches are fragile, but she still crosses the room to poke it. Yep, soft, just like it looks. She flops down onto it, a little more gently than usual.

It’s … nice. Kind of like Blue’s clouds, but without the cheer, and not quite as soft. Or floating. She bounces a little, and it squeaks, but doesn’t break. She bounces again. Not bad. Someone snorts, and Spinel looks up to find Amethyst smirking. Spinel blushes, but can’t stop herself from bouncing one more time.

Amethyst snickers, then shakes her head, but it doesn’t look annoyed. Maybe closer to fond.

Then she jabs a thumb over her shoulder, back toward the door.

“I gotta head to this class I’m teaching, but I’ll check in with you later, okay? And feel free to warp back if you need anything.”

The tiniest flash of fear twists Spinel’s chest, but she squashes it down before it can grow any further. She’s fine. This is what she planned. Amethyst did her a favor, showing her around, but she was never gonna stay with her all the time.

There are plenty of other Gems here. She won’t be alone.

“Thanks,” she says, managing a smile.

Amethyst steps toward the door and waves.

“And welcome to Earth! Again!”

“Thanks!” Spinel calls back, jumping off the couch to follow her out of the apartment.

She stands in the open doorway and watches Amethyst until she disappears around the corner. Then she just stands there, looking around, taking in the things she was too distracted to notice earlier. The buildings she’s pretty sure she never saw her first time here. The sky above them, bluer than Homeworld’s, but not too far off.

And, of course, the Gems walking past, going about their days.

A twinge of nervousness pokes at her chest, but she shoves it away. Yeah, there’s … a lot for her to deal with. A lot she has no idea  _ how  _ she’s going to deal with. But for now … she can do the easy part. She can settle in. Get to know where she’ll be staying. Maybe even start making some new friends.

It’s just other Gems, right? She sees other Gems all the time. Every day, even.

She can do this. She’s been doing this for a year now. Sure, it’s a little different, but it’s just another place where Gems live. It’ll be just like the palace.

Spinel smiles and nods to herself.

Yeah. She’ll be just fine.


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel's first day on Earth doesn't go as she planned. At all.

This is definitely not just like the palace.

And yeah, maybe that should be obvious. It’s not Homeworld, and she’s pretty sure the palace is several times bigger than this little town. But she didn’t think those differences would matter. And they don’t, really.

It’s the ones she  _ didn’t _ think about that do.

It takes her ten minutes of walking around Little Homeworld, smiling at passing Gems and trying to keep the skip in her step, to realize that she hasn’t actually  _ talked  _ to anyone. Or, rather, that no one has talked to her.

Which makes sense. She usually starts the conversation with new Gems, doesn’t she? So it only makes sense that she’d do so here, too. Maybe these Gems aren’t good at starting conversation, or maybe they don’t realize she’s new. So she just needs to find a Gem and get talking. That’s easy enough.

An Aquamarine flutters by to her left. Spinel’s met a few Aquamarines in the palace. She can start there.

She grins and bounces over to land right in front of her.

“Hi!”

The Aquamarine jolts, but stops, hovering in the same spot. Waiting. Spinel smiles wider.

“I, uh … so you …”

What is she supposed to say?

She didn’t exactly  _ plan  _ anything, but … she’s never really had to do that before. Either the other Gem said something back or Spinel just  _ knew  _ what to say.

Granted, usually she’d say something about the Diamonds … or the changes in the palace … or the Aubergine Pearl’s tours … or the new items in the gift shop …

The Aquamarine is giving her a weird look, and Spinel scrambles for something to say, something to ask her, something to get them talking, but … nothing comes to mind.

And after another few seconds, the Aquamarine clears her throat and flies off.

Spinel bites her lip so hard it hurts, but stops herself before she can spiral any further. This is just the first try. It’s a new place, new Gems, of course it’ll go bad the  _ first  _ time, right? Besides, that was an Aquamarine. Not exactly the friendliest Gem type she’s met.

She looks around again. There are maybe three other Gems nearby, but one, tall and light purple, catches her eye right away.

An Amethyst. She doesn’t know a lot of them, but the Crystal Gem one she does is friendly. This one should be, too, right?

She nods to herself and runs over.

Sure enough, saying hi goes fine. When she smiles, the Amethyst smiles back, and even comments that it’s cool to finally meet a Spinel, since she’s never seen one before—not that Spinel is surprised, but hey, always nice to be cool to meet.

Okay, she’s got this. Small talk. She does small talk all the time. And since she can’t talk about the palace, she can just talk about where she is now.

“So, Earth!” she starts. “Crazy planet, am I right?”

The Amethyst raises an eyebrow, then shrugs.

“Eh. Not really.”

Spinel … doesn’t know what to say to that.

Should she take it back? No, no, that would be weird, the Amethyst would know she’s lying. But what should she say now? Starting with a disagreement isn’t good. She should change the subject. But … to what? What else is there to talk about? What can she—

The Amethyst is walking away.

Spinel opens her mouth, tries to call her back, but her voice dies in her throat.

Failure number two.

It takes a  _ lot  _ of willpower not to either smack her forehead or melt into a puddle of frustrated limbs, but she holds herself together. Okay. Okay, this … isn’t going very well so far, but it’s only her second try. She just needs to … not talk about Earth. Or at least wait for the other Gem to say what  _ she  _ thinks about Earth first. Yeah, that’ll work.

She spots another Amethyst. Well, this last Amethyst was friendly enough, before Spinel asked the wrong question. Probably still her best bet.

She bounds over, not quite as energetic as before.

“Hi! I’m Spinel!”

The Amethyst smiles, just like the other one. “I’m Amethyst.”

Spinel smiles back and waits for her to say something else.

But … she doesn’t.

Five seconds pass.

Ten seconds.

Fifteen.

The Amethyst clears her throat and jabs her thumb off to her left.

“So, uh, I gotta go. Nice to meet you.”

Spinel stiffens and  _ pleads  _ with herself to think of something to say. She lifts a hand, reaches out, opens her mouth to ask her to wait, but … she’s already gone.

And Spinel is alone. Again.

She gives u—takes a break after that and spends the rest of her first day in the apartment, bouncing on the couch and trying to figure out what went wrong. The town quiets down at night, but there’s still enough noise outside to keep her from going to any bad spots in her head.

As soon as the sun comes back up, she’s out the door, ready to try again. It takes less than a minute for her to track down a passing Cherry Quartz, skipping up to her and breaking into a beaming grin.

“Hiya!”

The Cherry Quartz blinks, but smiles back. “Hey.”

Spinel beams wider and opens her mouth again.

And completely forgets what she was going to say.

To her credit, the Cherry Quartz gives her a solid twenty seconds of painfully awkward silence before she waves and walks away.

Spinel spends five minutes sucking in deep breaths and planning out her words  _ exactly _ , and two minutes after that, she finds a Larimar carving something out of small chunk of ice. 

This time, she manages a “hi” and “how are you?” but locks up when she tries to keep going.

On the sixth try, her words fail her completely, and she’s left standing there, mouth open, floundering for a single word, until the Ruby she’s trying to talk to gives her a funny look and walks away.

Spinel has to fight the urge to bash her head into the nearest wall.

She’s supposed to be good at this. She  _ was  _ good at this! She was chatting it up with new Gems just a couple days ago, no problem at all!

Except … she’s only really talked to new Gems in the palace. And even if she’s never met … well, almost  _ any  _ of those Gems,  _ they  _ know who  _ she  _ is, or they find out pretty quick. She’s no Diamond, but she’s with them so much of the time that the rest of the Homeworld seems to just  _ know  _ her. 

And she figured Gems here would know her, too, but … she never really met most of them, did she? They know  _ a  _ Gem tried to destroy the Earth, but they didn’t exactly see her up close, and even if they know it was a Spinel, she doesn’t exactly look like most Gems expect. And that should be a good thing. No one’s given her a suspicious or angry look since she got here. No one’s told her to get off the planet she tried to kill.

But … that also means she’s starting from scratch.

And this time, she doesn’t have the Diamonds to introduce her.

She just … didn’t realize how much she depended on that before.

Once the head-bashing urge fades a little, she goes back to walking. She doesn’t have anywhere to go, and she doesn’t try to talk to any other Gems. She just walks, glancing at everyone she passes and looking away when they glance back at her.

It’s not nearly as awkward as failing at conversation, but it’s still awkward. Definitely beats sitting in her apartment and staring at a wall, though. Maybe she’ll warp back to see Amethyst later. She doesn’t know what they’d talk about, but at least Spinel has managed to say more than ten words to her already.

Or maybe she’ll just use the communicator to call the Diamonds. Yeah, that sounds nice. They’re easy to talk to. No awkwardness there.

It’s only been a day, but she  _ really  _ misses them. She’s never been away from them this long. And even when they’re apart, she knows she can always run to their rooms if she needs them. Let Yellow try out her powers on her or float on Blue’s clouds or control White and make all the Gems in the palace laugh. She misses that. 

She misses home.

She thought she could do this, thought she was ready, but … maybe she isn’t. Maybe she should give it another month or two—or maybe a year—and try again then. It’s not like this is  _ urgent,  _ she’s already put it off for months. She can just go back to Homeworld, spend more time with the Diamonds, and she’ll come back when she’s ready.

But when will she be ready? How will she  _ know  _ if she’s ready? She  _ thought  _ she was ready, but she’s not, and maybe this is how it’s supposed to feel, uncomfortable and scary, maybe that’s good, but it doesn’t  _ feel  _ good, and she wants the Diamonds, she wants her nice familiar space, she doesn’t want to be on this planet with a bunch of strangers who she came so close to—

“Oh! Hello.”

Spinel jolts so hard she almost falls over, then spins around to see a Gem sitting on a wide-chair-thing—didn’t Amethyst call it a bench?—a few steps to her left.

It’s … a Pearl?

Not Blue or Yellow Pearl, who still come by the palace on occasion, but a Pearl Spinel’s never seen before. Her skin is so pale it’s almost white, but the rest of her is different shades of pink. There’s a pretty massive set of cracks over what used to be her left eye, and Spinel has to fight the urge to stare. Is this … one of the shattered Gems Yellow put back together?

Before Spinel can check her gem, the Pearl stands up.

“Are you new here? I haven’t seen any Spinels in Little Homeworld before.”

Her voice is soft, but she still sounds excited. Spinel smiles back. It feels more sheepish than it has in a long time.

“Uh … yeah. Yeah, I just got here yesterday.”

Huh. This is actually going better than her other attempts. Maybe she really  _ can _ do this.

“Well, then, welcome to Earth,” the Pearl goes on. “I’m Volleyball.”

… _Volleyball?_

Spinel has never heard that word—name?—before, but it sounds like an Earth thing. A nickname, maybe? She didn’t know Gems used those. But hey, she just got here.

“… nice to meet ya, Volleyball. I’m, well, just Spinel.”

Volleyball giggles. “Don’t worry, I’m still getting used to the nickname, too. Steven gave it to me. He said it was confusing talking to more than one Pearl. I think humans are used to more different names.”

“Yeah … guess so,” Spinel mutters, internally smacking herself for being too obvious.

But Volleyball keeps smiling.

“So did you just come from Homeworld?” she asks. “What made you decide to come to Earth?”

Spinel fidgets. Right. Of course Gems would wonder  _ why  _ she’s here, even if this one doesn’t seem to recognize her. 

“I, uh … I was living with the Diamonds. Still am, I’m just visiting for a while.”

Volleyball’s smile slips, and a tiny crease forms between her eyebrows. “With the Diamonds? Really? I never saw you when I lived there.”

Spinel bites the inside of her lip. “Yeah, I’m … pretty new. Only been there a year.” She starts to go on, then stops and frowns. “You used to live in the palace?”

“Oh, yes, I lived there until a few years ago.” Volleyball glances away, just long enough for Spinel to notice. “I’ve been … taking some time away after that. I lived in another part of Homeworld for a while, and when Little Homeworld was finished, I decided to move here. Earth is lovely If you’d like a good place to start, I always enjoyed—”

Spinel stops listening. She keeps her eyes on Volleyball, but her attention fades, thoughts clicking into place like pieces of a puzzle.

There are plenty of pink Gems. Loads, and Spinel knows that though they were made  _ for _ Pink, most of them never knew her. How many Gems actually met the Diamonds in the old days anyway?

But this is a Pearl. Pearls served the elite. And the longer Spinel looks at this one, the more she recognizes the details that feel just a little too familiar.

The placement of her gem.

The fabric flowing from her waist.

The cut of her top.

Her long gloves.

And even her shade, not quite matching, but close enough to be impossible to ignore.

“You were Pink’s.”

Volleyball stops, her mouth open. She blinks.

“… I’m sorry?”

Spinel … didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Volleyball stares at her, and Spinel stares back, and they stay like that for what must be half a minute before Spinel swallows and forces her voice to work.

“You were … Pink Diamond’s Pearl. Weren’t you?”

And of course  _ that’s  _ what comes out.

But she doesn’t take it back, as much as she tells herself to. Volleyball blinks a couple more times. Then she smiles again. Smaller, and a little sad.

“Yes. I was,” she says. “Or, well, I was one of them. I was her first Pearl. Her second is one of the Crystal Gems.”

She pauses, like she’s waiting for Spinel to respond, but all Spinel can do is stand there and look at this Gem. This Gem that belonged to  _ Pink.  _

This Gem she never even met.

Volleyball’s eyebrows furrow. “Did you know her?”

Spinel flinches. It’s been a long time since someone asked that—anyone who spends five minutes in the palace learns who she is pretty quick. She clears her throat.

“I was … her Spinel.”

“Oh!” Volleyball looks at her for a few seconds before that gentle smile returns. “That must have been after my time with her. I’m sorry I don’t remember you, I lost around eight thousand years. We might have met before, actually, I just … wasn’t myself.”

She chuckles, awkward and vaguely uncomfortable. Spinel blinks.

Then something snaps into place, and it’s like someone dropped a boulder right on her head.

White’s Pearl.

She was  _ White’s Pearl. _

Spinel never thought about it then. She only saw White a couple times and her Pearl only a little more than that, and usually just over transmissions, but now she remembers. The color’s off, of course, but her appearance, her gem placement,  _ her broken eye _ —

She was White’s.

Or … no. She was Pink’s.

White … took her?

Pink never said anything about it. Pink never told her she used to have another Pearl. No one said anything, no one mentioned it, no one mentioned  _ her.  _ She was Pink’s, and then White took her, and Spinel never heard  _ anything. _

“Spinel?” Volleyball asks. “Are you alright?”

Spinel wobbles, but straightens a second later. Her hands start to shake, and she squeezes them tight. She can’t do this. Not right now, not this fast, she didn’t come to Earth for  _ this,  _ she’s not … this was supposed to be about … she can’t. She  _ can’t. _

“Y-yeah, I … just … remembered something I need to go do. Settling in and all that.”

She tries to smile, paints it on as best she can, but it feels wrong, and the worried look in Volleyball’s good eye doesn’t change one bit.

“Oh. Of course.” There’s a hint of something that might be disappointment in her voice, but Spinel’s head is too foggy to be sure. She smiles a little wider, so dang _pleasant_ even as Spinel is fighting the urge to bolt the other way. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Spinel forces out, and she manages a smile that might look almost real.

Then she starts off as fast as she can without breaking into a run.

She doesn’t know where she’s going. She doesn’t know how long she walks. She just keeps walking, keeps moving, keeps putting more and more space between her and … and the Pearl, until she rounds a corner of a building and finds the ground dropping off to open grass.

The edge of Little Homeworld.

Part of her wants to keep going, but by sheer force of will, she stops. She breathes. She grips her arms and feels how hard she’s shaking.

Why is she shaking?

Why is she  _ running _ ?

Why does she feel like she’s about to burst from the inside out?

This is nothing. This is fine. There’s nothing wrong, it’s just a new Gem, she went out to meet other Gems and she did, she  _ talked  _ to one, so why … this shouldn’t be upsetting her. This shouldn’t bother her a bit, she’s fine, she’s  _ past  _ this.

Talking about Pink isn’t supposed to bother her anymore.

But no matter how many times she repeats it to herself, her hands keep shaking, and she has to fight the urge to run back to the warp. To the beach house, maybe. Or back to the Diamonds.

No. No, she doesn’t want to see the Diamonds right now. She can’t. She wants the familiarity, the comfort of them holding her, but then they’d see her shaking and they’d ask what’s wrong and she’d have to tell them …

Tell them …

Spinel breathes in deeper and grips her arms tighter still.

Pink had another Pearl.

And in all the centuries of being her supposed best friend … Spinel never heard a word about her.

It shouldn’t hurt. Pink is  _ gone,  _ Spinel has new friends now, so why should it matter? It doesn’t matter. It  _ doesn’t. _

But Spinel’s hands are still shaking, and every breath feels like someone is stabbing her right in the gem.

She squeezes her eyes shut and clenches her hands into fists. It takes a long, long few minutes for the shaking to stop, but finally, it does. But her chest still hurts, and the thoughts whispering in the back of her mind are even louder.

It shouldn’t hurt.

But it does.

Spinel sucks in a deep breath, ignoring the pain it brings her, ignoring the thought that she would have been better off staying on Homeworld. The thought that now, even when she goes back, she’ll never be able to forget what she knows.

Then she turns around and starts back toward the apartment.


	4. Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel gets a visitor, and a gift.

When Spinel opens her door to see Amethyst standing there, it’s all she can do not to melt into a puddle of relieved limbs.

She doesn’t know Amethyst that well, and she’s still not sure whether they’re on the path to being friends, but in the five days since she’s arrived, Amethyst is still the only Gem she’s talked to for more than two minutes.

Well. Except Volleyball, but she’d … rather not count that one.

Amethyst walks in like she owns the place and flops down on the couch so hard it creaks—though not as loud as it does when Spinel bounces on it. Spinel sits down next to her, one leg tucked to her chest, the other dangling off the edge, while Amethyst leans her head on the back cushion.

“So how’re you liking it so far?” she asks, waving toward the single window, and the rest of Little Homeworld.

Spinel bites her lip.

“It’s, uh … it’s good.”

Amethyst raises an eyebrow. “Just good?”

“Uh … yeah.” Is that bad? Does that make her sound ungrateful? She forces a grin and shrugs. “I mean, only been here a few days, haven’t really had the chance to get around much. I bet I’ll love it once I’m here longer!”

Amethyst scrunches her eyebrows and sits up straighter. She stares at Spinel for a good ten seconds. Spinel fidgets and glances away.

“You okay?” Amethysts asks at last.

Spinel’s eyes snap back to her. “Huh?”

“I mean, I know I didn’t see much of you last time you were here, and before that … well, anyway, last time you seemed more … peppy, I guess? You’ve seemed kinda down the last few days.”

Spinel stiffens.

She tries, with every photon of her being, to put on a smile. And she does. Her lips curl into her cheeks, but she doesn’t need a mirror to know it looks fake. She gathers up all the happy thoughts she can, everything she used to cheer herself up when the Diamonds worried about her, everything that came so naturally back on Homeworld but now feels infinitely far away.

“Oh, uh … yeah, I’m just … I …”

Her voice dies in her throat. Amethyst is looking at her, confused, worried, and Spinel wants to tell her she’s fine but the words  _ won’t come out. _

Why is this so  _ hard _ ?

Before Spinel can spiral any further, Amethyst reaches out and touches her shoulder. Just a light touch, but it’s the first time anyone has touched her since she got here, and Spinel relaxes on an instinct she almost forgot.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Amethyst says, quieter than usual. “I get it. Even when you’re usually the goofy one, sometimes you just need time to chill, right?”

Her eyes are soft, and there’s a pained understanding in them that keeps Spinel from looking away.

“… yeah,” she murmurs. 

Then Amethyst’s hand is gone, and she’s grinning, reaching up to her gem.

“Anyway, I got a present for ya!”

Spinel takes a few seconds to process the sudden change in subject. “Huh?”

Amethyst moves her hand, and after a flash of light, she’s waving something in the air.

“Tada!” She shoves the thing right in Spinel’s face. “Your first cell phone!”

“… cell phone?”

The thing is blocking her view of Amethyst, so Spinel takes it in both hands and looks at it closer.

It’s … a rectangle. Metal, she thinks, but with glass for a screen, and something a little softer covering most of it that’s the same hot pink as her hair.

“It’s an Earth communication thingy,” Amethyst says. “Pearl’s better at explaining the technical stuff, but basically you use it to call people. Only works on Earth, though.”

Spinel turns the “cell phone” around in her hand, scrunching her brow.

“It’s for me?”

Amethyst grins. “Yep! Little Homeworld’s got this deal with a phone company that covers all the costs and gives us a bunch of phones, so I figure you could use one while you’re staying here.”

Pretty much all of that goes over Spinel’s head, but it sounds boring anyway, so she brushes it off and turns the cell phone around a couple more times.

“How does it work?”

Amethyst holds out a hand, and Spinel passes it back to her. She presses a button and moves her finger over the screen, then scoots closer and tilts the cell phone so they can both see.

“Here, I got it all set up for ya. I even put my number in, so you can call if you don’t feel like warping down to the house.” 

The screen is lit up now. It looks a little like the displays Yellow uses when she’s checking up on old colonies, or keeping track of Gems she’s helped repair. A lot smaller, though, and more colorful, with lots of little rounded square-things with different pictures on them, lined up in rows.

Amethyst points at different spots around the sides of the cell phone.

“So these buttons control the volume, and this one makes the screen go dark, but doesn’t actually turn it off unless you hold it down for a while, and this one goes to the home screen, and oh, right, you can add all these different apps and change your wallpaper …”

She goes on for at least five minutes, tapping the little squares that make the screen change and serve different functions. It’s pretty far from anything Spinel has worked with before, but then again, she’s never been much for tech when it wasn’t for fun—or revenge. But she tries to pay attention, and as the minutes pass, a tiny smile works its way onto her face.

Amethyst barely knows her, but she went through all the effort to set this up for her. And yeah, maybe she does this for all new Gems, but she doesn’t exactly have the best history with Spinel. Spinel was grateful just to be allowed to stay here, but Amethyst has been checking in on her almost every day so far. Maybe this “cell phone” is normal for Gems on Earth, but … it still feels nice.

After a year with the Diamonds as her most constant company … maybe living like a normal Gem isn’t so bad.

“—and if you wanna get even _more_ apps, you can download ‘em here,” Amethyst finishes, tapping yet another icon. “Some you have to pay for, but a lot are free. I could spend _hours_ looking through ‘em all. And I think that’s the gist of it. You got all that?”

She hands the phone back to Spinel, and Spinel stares down at the home screen that looks significantly less intimidating than it did ten minutes ago, even if it’s probably going to be a while before she’s comfortable using it.

“Uh, most of it. I think.” 

She opens her mouth, closes it, then looks up to Amethyst with an eyebrow raised.

“But … how do you call someone?”


	5. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel makes an unexpected new friend, and faces some old guilt.

It’s kind of funny, that Amethyst spent all that time teaching her how to use a phone, and now, when Spinel wants to talk to her, she still uses the warp.

She  _ likes  _ the phone. She really does. It’s pretty and the games on it are fun, and she appreciates that Amethyst is going out of her way to make sure she feels welcome, when she … hasn’t really done much to deserve it. But just hearing someone’s voice without seeing their face or, well,  _ standing  _ next to them feels … like something’s missing.

She decides not to dwell too hard on why.

Either way, here she is, stepping out of Steven’s Diamond base and through the house she only kind of remembers from her last time here.

Thankfully, it’s not very big, and she only has to walk through one room before she reaches the stairs. Memories flash on the back of her eyelids every time she blinks—the fear, the guilt, all soothed by Steven’s warm smile and gentle reassurances. The bad feelings are more distant now, but they still sting, and this time, there’s no Steven to comfort her.

She keeps walking, a little faster than she needs to, but stops when she reaches the landing on the staircase. Her body tenses, and she shifts her eyes to her left.

And sees a human, sitting on the couch below, staring at her.

No, not just a human. One of Steven’s friends. She’s seen them—him?—before, a few times, even though they’ve never talked. He looks a little like Steven, actually, just a little taller and a little wider. She’s pretty sure his hair used to be longer.

She freezes, ready to bolt back up the stairs. Then the human smiles.

“Hey there.”

She fidgets. “Is Amethyst here?”

He shakes his head. “Sorry, she went out a while ago. Usually she isn’t gone for too long, though. You can wait here if you want.”

She bites the inside of her lip. She really should have just used the cell phone.

“That’s okay,” she mutters. “I’ll come back later.”

She turns around and starts back the way she came.

“It’s Spinel, right?”

Then stops before she can make it two steps.

She hesitates for a solid ten seconds before turning around, and sure enough, there are those eyes that look way too much like Steven’s staring back at her. He knows who she is, then. He remembers her. Of course someone has to remember her  _ now. _

“Uh … yeah,” she manages.

The human smiles a little wider.

“Greg Universe. Nice to meet you.” He gestures toward the small table in front of him, and she notices the menagerie of unfamiliar … stuff sitting there. “If you’re not busy, I have way too many snacks. Wanna help me finish ’em off?”

Spinel doesn’t know what “snacks” are, but it sounds like he’s inviting her to sit with him. She has no idea  _ why  _ he’d want that, he knows her even less than Amethyst, they’ve never even spoken a word to each other, but …

She swallows.

“Okay.” 

Greg—she’s guessing it’s just Greg, like Steven isn’t usually called “Steven Universe”—smiles and pats the spot next to him, and she walks over and sits down as casually as she can. He makes another gesture toward the things in front of him, then reaches into some kind of bag, picks up something thin and yellow, and puts it in his mouth.

Right. Food. Stuff you put in your mouth is food.

Maybe “snacks” are food?

There are a lot of different kinds, though … at least five different containers with all different contents. She hones in on a smaller one that holds little square pieces of something smooth and brown.

“What’s that?” she asks, pointing.

“Chocolate,” Greg says. “Do you like sweet things?”

“Sweet”? She’s never heard that word outside of talking about personalities before, and it’s not like she has a lot of experience with food, but …

“I had donuts once.” “Sweet” seems like a good word to describe them.

Greg smiles.

“Well, if you liked those, you’ll probably like chocolate. Go ahead, give it a try.” 

Spinel hesitates, but … hey, if it’s anything like donuts, there’s no harm in trying. She picks up one of the “chocolates,” turns it over a few times, then pops it in her mouth.

Oh.  _ Stars. _

The chocolate melts on her tongue, flavor bursting out, and she can actually  _ feel  _ her eyes shifting into hearts. She grabs another piece, then another, and another, shoving them into her mouth, caught between chewing and letting them melt to savor every second.

Greg laughs. “Good, huh?”

“Mm-hmm.”

He points toward a bowl of some kind of red thing with green leaves on the top. “Try it with the strawberries. They go well together.”

She swallows the chocolate she’s chewing, then grabs a “strawberry” and another piece of chocolate and pops them in. It’s not quite as sweet, but the sharper new taste mixes well, and she goes for the same combo again.

She ends up trying everything at least once, and likes all of it, though nothing as much as chocolate. In maybe ten minutes, all the food is gone, and she leans back against the couch cushions, savoring the lingering taste in her mouth. Yeah, food is definitely one of Earth’s best perks.

Greg sighs and leans back, too, and now that she has nothing else holding her attention, Spinel’s eyes drift to him. She remembers him better now. She saw him a few times when she was rejuvenated, and again after the injector exploded, and again when Steven turned into a monster. She didn’t even know his name before now.

But she could have killed him.

It hits her like a rock to the face, and for a few seconds, she can barely breathe.

This whole time, she’s been thinking about how she tried to destroy all these Gems’ home, but … the Gems would have survived. Their home would be dead, but  _ they  _ would be alive.

The humans wouldn’t.

The idea of killing all organic life was so … vague when she thought it up, and it’s stayed vague for the past year. Organic life was something Steven loved, and so she wanted to destroy it. To make him suffer. She’s hated that for a long time, hated that she could be so  _ cruel  _ in her own pain, but she never really  _ thought  _ about what that plan meant.

Who she would have killed.

She can see Greg now, arriving in the crater with the Crystal Gems, his arm limp and gray. He could have died if the poison hit more of him. If she succeeded, he  _ would _ have died. He welcomed her into his house, shared his food with her, and he’d be  _ dead  _ if her plan worked. And for a second, she wants to jump up from the couch and run as far away as she can, but …

No. Running won’t solve anything. She already ran to Earth to deal with her problems. Now she’s here, and that’s what she has to do.

She breathes in as much air as her form will hold and turns to look at him.

“I’m sorry.”

Greg looks back at her, eyebrows furrowed. “Hm?”

Spinel’s eyes drop to her knees, and she clenches her hands in her lap.

“For … what I did to Earth. And you.” She shifts her eyes so she can look at him without turning her head. “You … got hurt, right? Your arm.”

“Oh, that.” Greg lifts said arm and looks at it, like he has to remind himself what she’s talking about. He smiles. “Don’t worry, Steven healed it right up. See? All fixed. Nothing permanent.” 

He waves the arm and wiggles his fingers. A laugh bubbles in her throat, but dies before it can reach her mouth. She tries to say something, but her words really hate her these days, and again, they don’t show up. She looks back to her knees.

She feels Greg’s eyes watching her, like they can peer right through her form.

“That’s not all you’re worried about, though. Is it?” he asks, voice so gentle, so patient. She fidgets. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Yes. No. Kinda? She wobbles back and forth between her answers, then huffs a frustrated sigh and settles on a shrug.

This should be enough. He forgives her, he’s all better, so why should it still bother her?

Except … that’s the problem, isn’t it? Everything’s fine. It’s all better, because Steven and these Gems and humans  _ made  _ it better. They fixed her mistake, and she didn’t do anything to help.

They fixed it, and now there’s nothing for her to do to help.

She wants to smack herself. She should be happy, right? She’s  _ glad  _ Greg is okay, glad that she hasn’t seen any damage from the injector, but … all of it still happened without her. She didn’t even help fix it. And now it’s too late.

She wanted to make up for what she did wrong. How is she supposed to do that now?

Maybe … maybe she really should just go back to Homeworld. She’s been here a week already and her only sort-friend is Amethyst. All she’s doing is wandering around, looking for stuff to do, and taking up one of their rooms and cell phones, to boot. She thought coming here would help, but all it’s done is made her old problems worse and remind her how much she messed up. She can’t help anybody. She can’t fix her mistakes. She can’t even make herself feel better. She should just go back to the Diamonds. Yeah, it’s not perfect, and yeah, there’s stuff she doesn’t know how to work through, but she can figure it out.

And if she doesn’t, it’s not that big a deal. She’s fine! Yeah, her bad memories still pop up in the quiet moments, and yeah, she doesn’t know how to talk to the Diamonds about them, and yeah, sometimes she thinks about Steven turning into that giant monster because he didn’t deal with his problems and about the monster  _ she  _ could turn into, the monster she’s already  _ been,  _ the monster that almost killed so many people, but it’s fine, it’s  _ fine,  _ it  _ has  _ to be fine, cause if it isn’t … if it isn’t …

“Have you seen a movie yet?”

Spinel stops.

Her head turns. Greg’s expression hasn’t changed, still soft and warm and weirdly knowing. She blinks once. Twice. Her eyebrows furrow.

“A what?”

Greg smiles.

“It’s a kind of Earth entertainment. Like … a video recording, but of people acting out a story. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re sad, sometimes they’ve got great music. There’s loads of them.” He glances toward the stairs. “I was thinking of rewatching an old favorite. You wanna join me?”

Spinel frowns. She almost says no. Why should she hang around with a human she could have killed? Why would he  _ want  _ her to hang around him?

But … he’s asking. And as hard as she looks, she can’t find anything but sincerity in that warm smile.

Amethyst isn’t here, and if she leaves, she’ll just go back to her apartment to sit on the couch. Alone. She’s … really tired of being alone.

So she pushes away that little dissenting voice in her head and nods.

“Okay.”

Greg smiles, pushes himself off the couch, and leads her up the stairs.

The room Spinel passed through on the way here is his, apparently, though he claims it used to be Steven’s. There’s not much in it—just a few pictures on the wall, including a few of … a smaller Steven? And others of humans she doesn’t know. The biggest feature is what’s apparently called a “bed.” It’s like a couch, but bigger and plushier with lots of soft cushions that feel like they could swallow her up. It’s nice, though. Comfortable. She gets settled in while Greg picks up a black rectangle with lots of buttons and points it at some sort of thick display screen on the floor nearby.

And then the “movie” begins.

It’s strange, but it only takes a few minutes for Spinel to get into it. There are a lot of jokes, a lot of people goofing off. She doesn’t understand half of what’s going on, but it isn’t frustrating. Some of the jokes she gets, some are funny even though she doesn’t get them, and some she laughs at just because Greg is laughing, and it feels good to laugh with someone else.

They’re in the middle of the second movie, both of them laughing so hard they can barely breathe, when Spinel looks over to find Amethyst standing in the doorway, watching them with a smirk.

Greg pauses the movie to say hello, while Spinel fights to keep her shoulders from falling in a conflicted mess of disappointment. Right. Amethyst is here. That’s why she came in the first place—to talk to Amethyst. And she still  _ wants  _ to, but … this movie-watching thing is fun. She kind of hoped she could do it a while longer.

She’s about to get off the bed when Amethyst steps into the room. She glances at the screen, then back to Greg and Spinel. Her smirk widens.

Then she takes a running leap, crashes onto the bed on Spinel’s other side, and settles back against the pillows.

“Well?” she says, waving towards the screen. “Unpause it, Greg. This is one of my faves.”

She glances at Spinel and flashes her a grin. Spinel blinks twice, then beams.

Greg chuckles, points the rectangle, and lets the movie play on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another new friendship for Spinel, and one my faves, to boot! This is also a good time to rec/credit the fic that _made_ it one of my faves, _[Third Time’s the Charm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21369043)_ (if you’ve seen my [art blog](https://bethkerringart.tumblr.com/), you already know how much I love it). Though that story has Greg adopting Spinel instead of just becoming one of her new Earth friends, I know it’s influenced the way I write their relationship (and probably Spinel in general, since it was one of the first Spinel fics I read), so any similarities are credit to the author, RangerLauren. If you enjoy Greg and Spinel, please check out the fic - it’s incomplete, but what’s been written is well, well worth a read.


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